Israt Jahan Koli: I work as a teacher here in Dhaka. My classroom is full of energy and noise. It is a happy place. However, I noticed something worrying during our lunch break. I see it every single day. A child sits at a desk with a tiffin box. He stares at the lid. He looks around the room for help. He waits for a teacher or a nanny to open it. He does not try to open it himself. He believes he cannot do it.
Next to him is another student. She struggles with her box, too. The lid is tight. She pulls and twists. Her face turns red from the effort. But after a minute, she opens it. She smiles and starts to eat. She feels proud.
This small moment tells a big story. It shows the difference between a dependent child and an independent one. This difference matters more than grades or handwriting. It shapes their entire future.
I talk to many parents in our school. You love your children very much. This is the nature of Bangladeshi parents. We are protective. We want to shield our children from every difficulty. We think this is love. But sometimes this love becomes a barrier.
We feed our children rice with our hands. We do this even when they are five or six years old. We dress them in the morning. We tie their shoelaces. We carry their heavy school bags up the stairs. We rush to pick them up if they fall. We solve their fights with friends.
We do these things to help. We want to make their lives easy. But we are actually teaching them a dangerous lesson. We are teaching them that they are helpless. We are teaching them that they need an adult for everything.
Self-development is a popular topic in education now. We talk about it in teacher meetings. But schools cannot teach this alone. We can teach a child how to hold a pencil. We can teach them to write the alphabet. But we cannot teach them the will to try. That lesson must start at home.
I see the impact of home life in my classroom. Children who do chores at home are different. They are more confident. They focus better on their lessons. They do not panic when things go wrong.
Imagine a child who packs his own bag. He knows where his pencil is. He knows where his eraser is. If he loses it he looks for it. He solves his own problem.
Now imagine a child whose mother packs the bag. He comes to school and cannot find his pencil. He cries immediately. He blames his mother. He waits for me to give him one. He does not know how to solve the problem. He only knows how to complain.
This is why parents must change their approach. It is hard to watch your child struggle. I know this. You are in a rush in the morning. The traffic in Dhaka is terrible. You need to get to work. It is faster to dress your child yourself. It is faster to feed them breakfast.
But you must resist this urge. You must give them the gift of time. Wake up fifteen minutes early. Let them button their own shirt. Let them put on their own socks. It might be messy at first. They might put the shirt on backwards. That is okay. Praise them for doing it alone.
We also have a culture of relying on domestic help. Many children have a nanny or Aya. The Aya does everything for the child. She carries the water bottle. She wipes their face. She cleans up their toys.
The child learns to treat people like servants. They learn that someone else will always clean up their mess. This is bad for their character. A child should clean up their own toys. They should put their plate in the sink. These small tasks teach responsibility.
You should also let them handle social problems. Children fight often. They fight over toys or seats. This is normal. Parents often jump in too quickly. You call the other parent. You complain to the teacher.
Stop and wait next time. Let the children talk to each other. Let them negotiate. Let them say sorry without your force. They need to learn how to manage people. They cannot learn this if you are always the referee.
I often see parents doing homework for their kids. You want the drawing to look perfect. You want the handwriting to be neat. So you hold their hand and write for them. Or you draw the picture yourself.
Please do not do this. I know when a parent does the homework. It looks too perfect. A child learns nothing from this. Let their drawing be messy. Let the lines be crooked. That mess shows they are learning. It shows they are trying.
Failure is a good teacher. We are afraid of failure in our society. We want our children to be the best. But a child who never fails will never grow.
Let them forget their tiffin box one day. They will be hungry. But they will remember to pack it the next day. Let them lose a toy. They will learn to take care of their things. These hard lessons are necessary.
You are raising a future adult. One day they will leave your home. They will go to university or a job. You will not be there to wake them up. You will not be there to cook for them. You will not be there to solve problems with their boss.
They need to be ready for that world. You prepare them by stepping back now.
Start with the ten-second rule. When your child faces a problem, count to ten. Do not help immediately. Watch them. See if they can figure it out. Usually, they can.
If they cannot do it then offer a hint. Do not do it for them. Ask a question. Ask them what they think they should do. Guide them to the answer.
This builds their brain. It builds their belief in themselves.
I want to see confident children in my class. I want to see children who try. I want to see children who help themselves. This makes them better students. It makes them happier people.
School is for academic learning. Home is for lifelong learning. You are the most important teacher your child has. Your lessons at home shape their personality.
Take a step back today. Let them carry their own bag. Let them walk up the stairs. Let them open their own tiffin. Trust them. They are stronger than you think. They are smarter than you think.
Give them the chance to prove it. This is the best gift you can give. It is better than expensive toys. It is better than the best school in Dhaka. It is the gift of independence.
Next to him is another student. She struggles with her box, too. The lid is tight. She pulls and twists. Her face turns red from the effort. But after a minute, she opens it. She smiles and starts to eat. She feels proud.
This small moment tells a big story. It shows the difference between a dependent child and an independent one. This difference matters more than grades or handwriting. It shapes their entire future.I talk to many parents in our school. You love your children very much. This is the nature of Bangladeshi parents. We are protective. We want to shield our children from every difficulty. We think this is love. But sometimes this love becomes a barrier.
We feed our children rice with our hands. We do this even when they are five or six years old. We dress them in the morning. We tie their shoelaces. We carry their heavy school bags up the stairs. We rush to pick them up if they fall. We solve their fights with friends.
We do these things to help. We want to make their lives easy. But we are actually teaching them a dangerous lesson. We are teaching them that they are helpless. We are teaching them that they need an adult for everything.
Self-development is a popular topic in education now. We talk about it in teacher meetings. But schools cannot teach this alone. We can teach a child how to hold a pencil. We can teach them to write the alphabet. But we cannot teach them the will to try. That lesson must start at home.
I see the impact of home life in my classroom. Children who do chores at home are different. They are more confident. They focus better on their lessons. They do not panic when things go wrong.
Imagine a child who packs his own bag. He knows where his pencil is. He knows where his eraser is. If he loses it he looks for it. He solves his own problem.
Now imagine a child whose mother packs the bag. He comes to school and cannot find his pencil. He cries immediately. He blames his mother. He waits for me to give him one. He does not know how to solve the problem. He only knows how to complain.
This is why parents must change their approach. It is hard to watch your child struggle. I know this. You are in a rush in the morning. The traffic in Dhaka is terrible. You need to get to work. It is faster to dress your child yourself. It is faster to feed them breakfast.
But you must resist this urge. You must give them the gift of time. Wake up fifteen minutes early. Let them button their own shirt. Let them put on their own socks. It might be messy at first. They might put the shirt on backwards. That is okay. Praise them for doing it alone.
We also have a culture of relying on domestic help. Many children have a nanny or Aya. The Aya does everything for the child. She carries the water bottle. She wipes their face. She cleans up their toys.
The child learns to treat people like servants. They learn that someone else will always clean up their mess. This is bad for their character. A child should clean up their own toys. They should put their plate in the sink. These small tasks teach responsibility.
You should also let them handle social problems. Children fight often. They fight over toys or seats. This is normal. Parents often jump in too quickly. You call the other parent. You complain to the teacher.
Stop and wait next time. Let the children talk to each other. Let them negotiate. Let them say sorry without your force. They need to learn how to manage people. They cannot learn this if you are always the referee.
I often see parents doing homework for their kids. You want the drawing to look perfect. You want the handwriting to be neat. So you hold their hand and write for them. Or you draw the picture yourself.
Please do not do this. I know when a parent does the homework. It looks too perfect. A child learns nothing from this. Let their drawing be messy. Let the lines be crooked. That mess shows they are learning. It shows they are trying.
Failure is a good teacher. We are afraid of failure in our society. We want our children to be the best. But a child who never fails will never grow.
Let them forget their tiffin box one day. They will be hungry. But they will remember to pack it the next day. Let them lose a toy. They will learn to take care of their things. These hard lessons are necessary.
You are raising a future adult. One day they will leave your home. They will go to university or a job. You will not be there to wake them up. You will not be there to cook for them. You will not be there to solve problems with their boss.
They need to be ready for that world. You prepare them by stepping back now.
Start with the ten-second rule. When your child faces a problem, count to ten. Do not help immediately. Watch them. See if they can figure it out. Usually, they can.
If they cannot do it then offer a hint. Do not do it for them. Ask a question. Ask them what they think they should do. Guide them to the answer.
This builds their brain. It builds their belief in themselves.
I want to see confident children in my class. I want to see children who try. I want to see children who help themselves. This makes them better students. It makes them happier people.
School is for academic learning. Home is for lifelong learning. You are the most important teacher your child has. Your lessons at home shape their personality.
Take a step back today. Let them carry their own bag. Let them walk up the stairs. Let them open their own tiffin. Trust them. They are stronger than you think. They are smarter than you think.
Give them the chance to prove it. This is the best gift you can give. It is better than expensive toys. It is better than the best school in Dhaka. It is the gift of independence.
– The Author is a Teacher at Adventist International Mission School, Dhaka.
